This week I had to say goodbye to someone I love very much. I had to end a relationship that I did not want to end. It was the hardest choice I have ever had to make. My heart is broken. I am broken. I wish it didn't hurt so much. Why--when I have made this choice-- does it have to hurt so damn much?! In fact there were no hard feelings. No angry words exchanged. Just the sadness of what could have been.
My heart feels empty and I feel alone. I know right now that sounds so emo, but it's truly how I feel. I've been thinking a lot about love. How we humans are created to love. Created for connection, passion, lifelong commitment. And so to be torn away from that is so unnatural. It is so painful.
I will hold on to the good memories. Because there are so many. I will never forget the way he made me feel. How I felt so at home and at peace in his arms. To love and be loved back... it's the best feeling in the world. And to say goodbye to that is equally the worst feeling in the world.
It's the worst feeling in the world. And the loneliest. I know that someday the sun will come out and I will be happy again. But that day isn't today. I have hope for that day, I have hope for the future, and I have hope for what is to come. But today is sad. And today I feel alone.
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