I know I shouldn't worry about how others perceive me.  I should only worry about the good that I am doing, about how I treat others.  But there are times I do wonder what kind of a failure other see me as. And it's silly, because I'm in a successful career, financially independent-- all the things that say I'm a success.  And to the general world, this is true.

But among family and friends, I can't help but wonder what they truly think of me and the fact that here I am, almost 26, never really dated much, not hitched, single.  Old maid is the first thing that comes to mind, though I'm not old.  But most of my friends from childhood are all married.  Most of my cousins are married or were married by my age.  And this thing, this seemingly unattainable status of "married," something that will always elude me, will always be the thing I am measured by.  I'm sure of it, whether or not it's true.

A couple weeks ago I ran into someone from my parents' church.  And he came up to me, the first thing he says-- "I pray for your future spouse."  ....Ok?  Thanks?  It was so awkward and I didn't know what else to say.  It just seems that people feel sorry for me, and that's all they really know to talk about.  Whether I'm dating someone.  This is something that should define me.

But it doesn't.  Being single doesn't either, at least not in my mind.  But to others, my being single defines me.  It's difficult to explain to people that I'm happy where I'm at in life.  That I'm doing things, making something of myself.  That I'm having fun and loving being independent, traveling.  The thing is, I want to meet someone.  I want to get married.  But I don't talk about it a lot because I don't want discontent to be the theme of my life.  It's a theory of mine that people who are unhappy by themselves will usually be unhappy with somebody else.  And it isn't fair to place all of my hopes and dreams on a man.  Because I wouldn't want that placed on me.

Just like I can't be somebody's everything, I can't have a man be my everything.  I can't.  And maybe I won't ever get married for that reason.  And that's ok.  It doesn't mean I'll never get lonely.  It doesn't mean I won't wish to get married.  But I would love it if this wasn't what people always asked me about.  Will I be 35 and people still walking up to me randomly telling me they pray for my future spouse?  Will they still be asking me if I'm dating someone, or when I'm going to get married?

I guess I should just let it all roll off my back.  Anyone else deal with this?