I honestly thought I was doing so well a few weeks ago.  Like I was so close to being past all of this.  I felt good, I was eating every 3-4 hours throughout the day, felt satiated and the urges to engage in ED behaviors was very low.  The last two weeks have been the worst.  And all it took was one day of unintentionally engaging in behaviors to spiral me out of control.  Each day thinking, I can keep this up for just one more day and THEN I'll get back on track.

I feel so ashamed, embarrassed, and afraid to really share with anyone how hard this is.  I feel so ashamed that I cannot master the basic human function of how to eat.  I'm so tired of dealing with this and feel as though I will never get better.  I have to hope I can, and I am getting exactly the help I need to overcome this.  I am just so frustrated with myself, the process, and this horrible relapse I've been dealing with.

I'm thirty, and I'm still dealing with this shit?  Can't I just flip a switch and be cured already?  :(

I know this will get better, but I have to make conscious choices to get there.  I have to take responsibility for my actions.