"I Don't Remember"

I don't remember being sure.  Sure of my faith, that is.

I have long spent my life wondering what is truth.  You see, I know all the "answers,"and try as I might, I often had a hard time with belief.

It kept me up at night, even as a very little girl.

I'm not sure I've ever doubted God's existence, although there have been times I've wondered.  However I look around and I only see evidence of His existence.  I know we can't be here by accident.  I know there is some sort of purpose, some reason we are placed on this earth.  My belief about God is probably different than the one in which I was raised in, however.  

I felt guilty having these doubts and questions, and I never talked about them.  It's taboo in most Christian circles I've ever been apart of.  It only recently occurred to me that they aren't a mystery to God.  He knows they're there, whether I outwardly express them or not.  I have lately been in a period of doubt and questioning, of letting myself express those doubts and questions.  I don't remember not having them.

I don't know what answers those questions will lead me to.  I trust God has a purpose in letting me go through this, but I also wish He would just grant me faith to never question and to always believe.  That just seems so much simpler to me.  I think my biggest question lately has been, is there more than one path that leads to Him?  Even just voicing that scares me.

Anyway, there is one thing I do know, and that is my belief that God is good.

PS

Anyone seen The Shack yet? I saw it last night and it gave me pause to think about these things.