It's so hard to believe that in just a few days, I will have been in Spokane for a year.  So much good has come out of living here.  I have experienced personal growth and maturity, made so many new friends.  I have become a lover of the outdoors... once upon a time, I didn't really like being outside.  But I think I just lived in the wrong place all these years!

One of my very favorite things about the Northwest is the focus on activity and outdoors.  It's fairly easy to find yourself being active without trying too hard.  Part of that is because there isn't as much to do out here like there is back home.  But I have loved becoming a much more active, healthier person as a result!  I love it!

In this past year, I have also battled a struggle with an eating disorder.  I think I've mentioned it before, but I found myself, starting last spring, binging.  And doing it quite often.  As I became less active due to some injuries, the episodes began to increase.  It was really hard.  I felt out of control, I gained back a lot of what I had worked so hard to lose, and I just felt ugly and disgusting.  It's sad because one of the only things I think about when I remember my trip to Hawaii in September, is how incredibly fat and ugly I felt.  And I'm ashamed to admit that, because I work so hard to keep thoughts like that out of my mind.  Food became a vice for me, though it wasn't something I really enjoyed anymore.  Often times when I ate, it didn't really feel like a choice... it felt like the food was controlling me.

I have now gone about three months without a binge.  I don't consider myself having kicked whatever this is (I don't know if you can really call it a full-fledged eating disorder in my case... but maybe it is).  But I have found myself in a much better place with regards to food.  Yeah, sometimes I still eat too much on occasion.  But believe me when I say, there is a huge difference between a binge and overeating.

It feels good to put it out there that this is a struggle for me.  I felt like I had to hide it for a long time, even though I am very close to so many who have had the same struggles.  It made me feel like such a failure to have fallen prey to this, when I've tried so hard not to.